Attending Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young lawyer was attending a funeral. Another mourner arrived late and asked the lawyer, "Where are they in the service?" The lawyer gestured at the minister and replied, "He's just opening for the defence."
Senator Hillary Clinton was attending a party, when she noticed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. She walked over to him, and in a quiet voice said, "If you were my husband I would poison your drink." Schwarzenegger smiled, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, "And if you were my wife I would drink it."
I'm only attending school until it becomes available on CD-ROM.
Upon reaching the age of 105, a pious man suddenly stopped attending church. Alarmed by his absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the priest paid him a visit.
Relieved to find him in excellent health, the priest asked, "After all these years, why is it we no longer see you attending services?"
The old man lowered his voice and whispered, "Well, Father, when I turned 90 years old, I expected God to take me any day. Then I turned 95, then 100 and now, 105. It suddenly dawned on me that God is very busy and must have forgotten about me. I don't want to remind Him!"
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment. "So why is the groom wearing black?"
One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night with her." To their surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll take you up on that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his companion' good night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight to bed. The following morning the man presented her with 25. 00. She demanded the rest of her money."If you don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those grounds!" The next day, he was surprised to receive a summons ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed to his atorney and explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't possibly get a more...
While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says "I can, I can"The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."Darla replies..."D-U-M-B"The teacher replies, "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?" Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB." The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?" Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla." Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D"The teacher replies "very good", and "can you use that word in a sentence?" Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID." The teacher replies, "OK, well lets continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?" No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spellthe word DICTATE? Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E"The more...