Attic Jokes / Recent Jokes

A greedy lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, was determined to prove the saying "You can't take it with you" wrong. Giving it some thought he was sure he had figured out a way to take some of his money with him when he died.
He told his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough cash to fill a couple of pillow cases. Then she was to take the filled pillow cases to the attic and place them directly above his bed. That way, when he did die, all he would have to do was reach out and grab the cases on his way to heaven.
Weeks after his funeral his wife was up in the attic and found the two forgotten cases filled with cash. "Silly fool," she said. "I told him I should have put the cases in the basement."

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothingseems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can? t take it with you. ”

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases.

He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer? s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

“Oh, that darned old fool, ” she exclaimed. “I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement. ”

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.
“Well, Father, ” began the old man, “At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her. ”
“That’s a wonderful thing, ” interjected the priest, “But it’s certainly nothing you need to confess! ” “It’s gets worse Father, ” continued the elderly fellow, “I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors. ”
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, “Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and more...

An old lawyer found out one day he had inoperable cancer. He was known as something of a miser, and he was determined to work until he drew his last breath. One day, a colleague came to office.

"You really shouldn't waste your last days working," he said. "After all, you know what they say:' You can't take it with you.'"

"The hell I can't," replied the old lawyer, who, right then and there, devised a plan by which he could take at least some of it with him. He went home that evening and told his wife, "Martha, I want you to go down to the bank and withdraw as much money as you can stuff into two large pillow cases. Then put them in the attic directly over the bed. That way, when I die, as my soul rises toward heaven, I can reach out and grab the money."

Martha did as she was told. A couple of weeks later, the lawyer died in his sleep. After the funeral, Martha was clearing some items out of the attic when she more...

Three menof the cloth from the country were having lunch in a diner. One said, "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything - noise, spray, cats - nothing seems to scare them away."

Another said, "Yes, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since!"