Attractive Jokes / Recent Jokes
Most people who are as attractive, witty and intelligent as I am are usually conceited.
The young, attractive housewife was a bit surprised when her husband's best friend dropped by one afternoon and offered five hundred dollars to make love to her. Thinking that the extra money would come in handy, she led him into the bedroom and fulfilled her part of the bargain. Later that afternoon, her husband returned from work. "Did David stop by today?" he asked casually.
"Yes, he did," she stammered. "Why do you ask?" "Well," her spouse replied, "he was supposed to return the five hundred dollars I lent him last week."
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on.
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.
On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.
Unable more...
1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room. 3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old. 4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me. 5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day. 6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me. 7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me. 8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private more...
1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary more...
Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up. What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps. Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? err... Buying? Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the more...
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and homely looking woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye." Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on. On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was really hot." Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, everything he could want. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she flirted. Unable to imagine what more...