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The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
TJ's Law: You can't fall off more...

1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
12. Paranoids are people, too; they more...

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

1. Psychiatrists say that one of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.2. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.3. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.4. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.5. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.6. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.7. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.8. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.10. Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.11. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.12. Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but more...

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 lb. â??possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
a. 66 Ford Fairlane
b. 69 Chevrolet Chevelle
c. 64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented its charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is more...

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay
at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away. The supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he told
her, "I think you're really going to work out."The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well, she's still at the average, and I don't want to discourage her. I'll just keep quiet."On the third day, the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and said, "You were doing so great. The more...

The Court of King George IIILondon, EnglandJuly 10, 1776Mr. Thomas Jeffersonc/o The Continental CongressPhiladelphia, PennsylvaniaDear Mr. Jefferson: We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision: 1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature. 2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind." Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us more...