Average Jokes / Recent Jokes
With the advent of the new year, many employees are faced with the dreaded "Annual Evaluation". Perhaps these lists will assist ya in in determining what your boss is really trying to say:
AVERAGE
Not too bright
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Dumb as a rock
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Has committed no major blunders lately
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE
Highly Opinionated
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES
Stubborn as Hell
TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN WORK
Conceited
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE COUNSELING AT TIMES
Lazy and hard-headed
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH
Hasn't been arrested or caught stealing lately
HAPPY AND CONTENT w/POSITION
Paid way too much
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL
We're stuck with them until retirement
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL
Wanted by no other unit/dept
SHOULD GO FAR
Termination papers have been filed
QUICK THINKING
Offers plausible excuses for errors
VERY CREATIVE
Finds reasons to do anything except more...
It was a average day in Bobby's first grade class. Around 11:00 he had to go to the bathroom, so he raised his hand and ask the teacher. The teacher noticed this pattern and asked him a question " Bobby, if you want to go to the restroom, you have to recite the A-B-C's" Bobby being a below average student slowly recited
"a-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z"
The teacher noticed that he was missing a letter so the teacher replied "Umm..Bobby, what happen to the p?" Bobby replied "Oh, I'm sorry Ms.Swanson, but its runnung down my leg
HOW..."BIG"... SHOULD A MAN BE?
Don't by shy. It's an important question, and one surrounded by confusion. The average man's penis is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long. Men substantially larger than this must often undergo painful surgery to
cure their condition. In thickness, the average man is slightly larger than a ball-point pen.
HOW..."LONG"... SHOULD A MAN LAST?
Some men can prolong the sex act beyond the once-unbreakable thirty-second barrier; intercourse with an experienced man can go for up to forty-five seconds. Once in a long while, you'll find a man who can "last" as long as a minute. Whatever you do, don't let your girlfriends know you've landed one of these desirable "sixty second wonders."
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M HAVING AN ORGASM?
The female orgasm is a sensation that's very hard to put into words, but most fulfilled, experienced women agrees that it "feels like something inside of you." When more...
A blonde got a job with the Public Works Department. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!! “Great, ” he told her, “I think you’re really going to work out. ” The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, “Well she’s still at the average and I don’t want to discourage her, so I’ll just keep quiet. ” The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, “I need to talk to her before this gets any worse. ” The boss pulled the new employee in and says, “You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, more...
Upon retirement, Dave had realized that he had poured himself into his work his entire life and never married. After spending a few weeks at home alone he decided that he needed some companionship and headed for the pet store. After looking around the store he thought that he would like to purchase a bird. He began looking at the selection available and noticed that one bird sold for $100 and the bird in the next cage was priced at $10,000. He looked and looked and studied the two birds, but he could not tell the difference, so he called over the store owner and asked him to explain.
The owner said, "The $10,000 bird is a perfect bird and the $100 bird is just the average everyday bird.".
"But I still don't see the difference," said the old man.
The owner explained, "The $100 bird has a small hump on his beak and that made him just average."
"You're telling me that if that $100 dollar bird didn't have that tiny little hump in his beak more...
* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally. . . scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. more...
* If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
* The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet.
* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
* The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
* It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
* You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
* Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
* Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
* Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?
* Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
* In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows more...