Aviation Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.
Bill: "Why don't I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy."
Hillary: "Well, why don't you throw ten hundred dollar bills out the window and make ten people happy."
Al: "Why don't you two jump out the window and make me and Tipper happy."
Tipper: "Why don't we all jump out the window and make everybody throughout the United States and world happy."
A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldnt think ofan answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked thestewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, whydont big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did yourmother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So thestewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out ontime."
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to more...
"This is Captain of your plane speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard Indian Airways flight 596 Bombay to GOA. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Arabian Sea.
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically."Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"