Baby Jokes / Recent Jokes
A large, powerfully-built guy named Raymond meets a woman named Polly at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Raymond stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, Raymond flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly begins to drool. Raymond then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly is just aching for action at this point. Finally, Raymond drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, Polly grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. Raymond catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" Polly then replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy said that she had. Smiling, she then said, "Tell your Mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down. As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.
Then again, maybe he does...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to fuck me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my more...
A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, "I have something to tell you about your child.." The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, "What's wrong with it?" The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different! It's a hermaphrodite." The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite, what's that?" The doctor replies, "It has both features of a male and a female." The woman looks relieved. "What? You mean it has a penis AND a brain?"
Via AP News
19 Year old Rebecca Sue Taylor of Charleston offered to sell her 5 month old baby for 10 grand to another woman after saying she was unable to bond with the infant and needed money for a new apartment.
"Unable to bond with the infant".. oh ok... so she tried... how can you blame her. "Yeah, the baby just doesnt love me back... but he's in like-new condition... you can have him for 10 thousand, or best offer... free shipping... all sales final... I'll even through in his favorite teddy bear."
A mother and her son were flying' Southwest Airlines' from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and said,' If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess,' If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The stewardess asked,' Did your mother tell you to ask me?' He said that his mother had. So the stewardess said,' Tell your mother that its because Southwest always pulls out on time.'