Backwards Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone. Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the firecracker more...

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happenin

Little Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a father."
Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."
Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"
The priest, flustered, said impatiently, "I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to more...

Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
Use your MasterCard to pay your VISA bill.
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
When someone says, "Have a nice day!", tell them you have other plans.
During your next meeting, sneeze and then loudly suck the plegm back down
your throat.
Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
Make a list of things you have already done.
Dance naked in front of pets.
Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school as if
nothing was wrong.
Thumb through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in them. Return them the next day.
Drive to work in reverse.
Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.
Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.
Get a box of more...

Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?" The priest says, "Because I'm a father." Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids and he don't wear his collar backwards." The priest says "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children." Johnny says, "You should wear your trousers backwards."

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know That a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would ever notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the more...

Jam minature marshmallows up your nose -- and try to sneeze them out.

Use you MasterCard -- to pay your Visa bill.

Pop some popcorn -- without putting the lid on.

When someone says,' 'Have a nice day'' -- tell them you have other plans.

During your next meeting -- sneeze and the loudly suck the phlegm back down your throat.

Find out what a frog in a blender -- really looks like.

Make a list of things -- you have already done.

Dance naked -- in front of your pets.

Put your child's clothes on backwards -- and send them off to school as if nothing was wrong.

Thumb through the National Geographic -- and draw underwear on the Natives.

Go shopping and buy everything you want -- sweat in them and return them the next day.

Drive to work -- in reverse.

Read the dictionary backwards -- and look for subliminal messages.

Start a nasty rumor -- and see if more...