Bad Habit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man wanted to go hunting, but he couldn't find anyone to go with him. As a last resort, he asked the town drunk to tag along. The next morning, the drunk was ready and waiting, with a fifth of whiskey. When they got to the woods the old drunk took a seat under a large oak tree. The other man went off to his stand, and told the drunk to make as little noise as possible. A few hours had passed, so the man went back to check on the drunk. As he got closer, he could hear terrifying screams coming from the drunk. The man yells at the drunk, "I told you to keep it quiet!" The drunk explains, "I know, I know... but when I sat in a bed of fire ants, I didn't make any noise. Then, when a snake slithered across my feet, I kept quiet. But, I just couldn't take it any longer when that damn squirrel came back for my second nut!"

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following; "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Im just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."