Bad Habit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.

"What's your top secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, have oily foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the lady said.

"How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didnt stop sucking his thumb, hed get fat.

Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge.

The boy points to an obviously expecting lady and says, "Ah, ha! I know what youve been doing!"

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway with either indicator flashing, but going nowhere.
Happily cruising down the middle lane of a motorway even when the road is almost entirely empty.
Picking your nose and believing that no-one can see you.
Not realising that there is any other setting for your lights than high beam.
Indicating to move into a lane that you're already half way in.
falling asleep at the wheel, just in time for the lights to turn green.
Sounding your horn one nanosecond after the lights change to green if the car in front hasn't sped off.
Sending sprays of wiper wash right over the top of your car and washing the one behind.
Overtaking then pulling in front and slowing down.
Sharing whatever is on your car stereo with anyone within a mile radius.

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."