Bad Kid Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day Johnny was sitting in class and had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand to ask the teachers permission. The teacher told Johnny if he could say the alphabet he could go to the bathroom. Johnny stumbled through it and got it all wrong and had to hold it. So Johnny studied and studied and felt as though he knew the alphabet perfectly. The next day when Johnny had to use the bathroom he rose his hand to ask the teacher could he go. The teacher said if you can say the alphabet I'll let you go. So Johnny started to say the alphabet ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ. The teacher then asked Johnny well where's the P, and Johnny responded it's running down my leg.

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.
' Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother,' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.'
' OK, said Johnny,' why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch? '

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said,' Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.'
Bill wasn't impressed,' Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My father's the one who killed it!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started by saying, "everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up. After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think youre stupid, little Johnny?" "No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by your self!"

Uncle Hubert noticed that his nephew Johnny was watching him the whole time.
' Why are you always looking at me? ' he asked.
' I was just wondering when you were going to do your trick,' replied Johnny.
' What trick?' enquired Uncle Hubert.
' Well, mum and dad say you drink like a fish.'

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!"
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time."
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking cookies!"

A little boy hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies: "Well, uh... you go there to... have a good time."

The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too, but his father insists that he's too young.
Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to "Suzie's" to "have a good time", not knowing the little boy is following them.
After his father leaves, the little boy enters the whorehouse and tells the madame that he wants to have a good time. She's a bit puzzled at first, but being a kind-hearted lady she gives him three doughnuts and tells him to leave.
Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried. His father approaches him first and asks him where he's been.
"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams proudly.
"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"
"I managed the first two without any problem, but I just more...