Bag Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday the teacher asks: "How many grains of sand are on the beach?" needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class: "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says, "here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts more...
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.
The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat"
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog".
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"
Four women are driving across the country together, each one from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Montana, and California. Shortly after the trip begins, the woman from Idaho pulls potatoes from her bag and throws them out the window. "What are you doing?" asks the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these things in Idaho, I'm sick of looking at them."
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska pulls ears of corn from her bag and tosses them from the window. "What are you doing?" asks the gal from Montana.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I'm sick of looking at them."
Inspired, the Montanan opens the car door and kicks the Californian out.
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asked her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And more...
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 AM. Signed, The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
Three jokes all related to the recent Clinton visit to Ireland.
Joke 1
On his recent trip to Dublin, Bill Clinton walked down Moor Street. For those of you that don't know Dublin, Moor Street has a large population of street fruit sellers.
Bill goes up to one of these fruitsellers and asks for a dozen oranges. He is given his bag of oranges, pays his money and walks off.
A liitle way down the road he looks in the bag and discovers he only has 11. He goes back to remonstrate: Bill: "How many Oranges do I get in a dozen in Ireland?"
Street Seller: "12 sir"
Bill: "But I've only got 11!"
Street Seller: "That's right, one was bad so I threw it away for you!"
Joke 2
Prior to Bill's visit to Ireland the CIA and Secret Service wanted to ensure everything was perfectly safe, so they trained a special agent in every known dialect of Irish Gaelic, and sent him on a short tour of the country.
He more...
Yesterday, I was on the bus traveling home from work. A man of Arabic appearance got off at the stop before mine and I noticed that he had left his bag behind. I grabbed the bag and ran after him, caught up with him and handed him back his bag.
He was extremely grateful to me and when he checked the contents of his bag I noticed what appeared to be large bundles of cash and white powder.
He looked round, made sure nobody was looking and whispered to me: "I can never repay your kindness sir, but I will try to with a word of advice for you and your friends: Tell everyone you care about to stay away from Cleveland."
I was terrified. "Is there going to be a terrorist attack?" I whispered.
"No, sir," he whispered back. "It's a shithole."