Bagpipes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We're still trying to find out too.Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one. Q. What's the definition of a minor second? A. Two bagpipes playing in unison. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe. Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline. Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks. Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You more...

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him." Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments. The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it. The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it. The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set of bagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits. After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "Come on now! Play it!" The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaid pajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"

A man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I'll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN'T play' The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes the string, and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the $50 Next, a guy comes up with a trumpet. The octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy pockets yet another $50. The bar owner has been watching all of this and disappears to the back. He comes back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy and his octopus,' Now, if your octopus can play THAT, I'll give you $100. The octopus takes a long hard look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, has yet another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes over and says' What are you waitin for? Hurry up and play that damn more...

Nowadays the Scots do not play bagpipes to frighten their enemies, they do it to annoy their neighbors.

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.

Q: What`s the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. We`re still trying to find out too.

Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equaled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.

Q. What`s the definition of a minor second?
A. Two bagpipes playing in unison.

Q. What`s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

Q. What`s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of more...

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him."
Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments.
The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.
The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.
The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set of bagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.
After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "Come on now! Play it!"
The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaid pajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"

Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock