Bags Jokes / Recent Jokes

"I finally did it!" the one guy says to the other at the bar, "I packed my bags, and left my wife!"

"Wow," says the other, "What did your wife do?"

"She helped me pack..."

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing Calvin ball; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6. Challenge other customers to deuls with tubes of gift wrap.7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volume up to 10! 12. Play with the automatic doors. 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so more...

Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?" "I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb." You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein." I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say,' Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag." What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein." Oh, well, not everybody gives."

Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?""I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb."You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein."I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag."What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein."Oh, well, not everybody gives."

A stingy old attorney, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was that when he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased attorney's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.
"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift." Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office." Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers." Lady," the doctor reports, more...

This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care...Just get the f**k out!"