Balcony Jokes / Recent Jokes

[San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson . 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.
His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been more...

One fine sunday morning Mother and Father decide to make love.
Little Jonnny however was at home and they could'nt find a way
get rid of him. So the Father asks Jonny to stand in the balcony
and tell him what each neighbour is doing.
So Jonny stands on the balcony while Father and Mother get into
the Act.
Jonny: Next door Sam is washing the Car, Rachel in No 6 is drying
the cloths, Samantha and Bill in No 8 are mowing their lawn
Ted from No 10 is reading the newspaper
And Mr and Mrs Jones from No 16 are having Sex! !
Father and Mother are shocked to hear this from little Jonny
Father: How do you know Mr and Mrs Jones are having sex? ??
Jonny: Oh Easy, Thier son David is standing on the balcony
doing a neighbourhood watch just like me! !!!!!!!

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...

A woman set her fanny on fire by accident, her husband said,
"quick stand on the balcony and let the wind blow it out"
but she slipped and fell from the 20th story balcony.
Paddy and Murphy were passing below,
Paddy said to Murphy
"look at that do you think its a comet?"
Murphy said
"Dont be so bloody stupid it's a twattalite"

Bill and Carol lived in a small city apartment and decided that the only way they could grab a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten year old son in the apartment, was to send him out on the balcony and instruct him to report on all the neighborhood activities. They figured that spying, to a young boy, would be a lot of fun and would distract him for a while.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into motion.
"Someone's car is being towed from the parking lot," he said. "A fire truck just drove by."
A few moments passed. "Martin's riding a new bike," he called out to his parents. "It looks like the Hudsons have company and the Caldwells are having sex."
His parents immediately bolted upright in bed, "How do you know that?" his startled mother asked.
"Their kid, Jimmy, is standing out on the balcony too!" the boy replied.

A fast-track young business executive had been working quite hard and one afternoon developed a splitting headache, sufficiently painful that he decided to take the rest of the afternoon off. He went home, which was an apartment on the 12th floor of a high-rise condominium, and realized upon reaching his door that he had left his keys at the office. He rang the doorbell and with no answer rang it again - and again.
After several minutes his wife opened the door. Her hair was in disarray and she had only her bathrobe on. The young exec was a bit suspicious, so he ran through the apartment looking for someone else. There was no one behind the living room couch, under the bed, in the walk-in closet, or in the bathroom. He ran into the kitchen and found no one in the pantry or under the kitchen table. He then looked over the kitchen balcony, and there, 12 stories below on a patio, was a man slipping on a shirt. Immediately concluding that he had discovered the guilty party, the young more...