Ball Jokes / Recent Jokes

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad, I couldn't see where the ball went." "You're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. "Yes, but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."

* He keeps shaking black crystal ball and says, "Ask again later."

* Every time you draw the Death card, she yells "Go Fish!"

* Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.

* His idea of an "out of body experience" involves whipped cream and women's clothing.

* His spoon bending requires two pliers.

* Sign in window: "As Seen on' 60 Minutes."

* During card-reading, asks if you want to "hit" or "stand."

* Insists that your astrological sign is "The Armadillo."

* Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your mom.

* Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.

* Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

what does a blonde and a bowling ball have in common?
they get 3 fingers, throughn down the gutter and come back for more!

There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........ stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake. "What did you do?" asks the doctor. I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

A man and his wife went golfing one day. The man ended the day by calling the authorities due to a golf ball hitting his wife in the head and instantly killing her. At the morgue, the pathologist explained to the man that the golf ball was indeed the cause of death of his wife. The pathologist did have one question. He asked the golfer how another golf ball had made it's way up his wife's ass. The golfer explained, that was my mulligan. (For the golfing novice, a mulligan is a free shot)