Balls Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a guy named tom who had three balls, so one day he went to the doctor to do something about it, the doctor asked him

"how many balls have you got"

Tim was a shy person, so he said,

"er, your balls and my balls add up to 5 balls"

The doctor's face turned into a surprised expression and he said,

"WHAT???you've got 1 ball????"

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems more...

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, "Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?"

A student replied, "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?"

The student countered by saying, "That's because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy's balls."

Everyone: "Dude, I'm in town for the weekend with no plan and no money. Can I stay on your couch?"

Me, if I had any balls: "Go fuck yourself."

Me, because I can’t say "no": "I guess so."

[The next morning...]

Everyone: "So, like, what are you doing today?"

Me, if I had any balls: "Doing what I would have done if you weren't here!"

Me, because I'm a nice person: "Babysitting you-I mean, let's do something?"

Everyone: "Hey, can I use your computer to check my email?"

[The next night...]

Everyone: "So, I called my friend, and he's not around... um... do you think... um... I can stay like another night?"

Me, if I had any balls: "You're a douche and your mama didn't raise you right."

Me: "I guess so."

Everyone: "Thanks, man. Oh, by the way, you're like low on more...

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems more...

An old lady, carrying a bag of money, entered the Bank of Canada and insisted on speaking with the bank president to open a savings account since, "It is a lot of money!"
After arguing back and forth with her, the bank staff finally showed her into the president's office. When he asked her how much she would like to deposit, she replied $175,000 and emptied the bag on his desk. Curious as to how she came by all this cash, he asked, "This is an awful lot of cash to be carrying around. Where did you get all this money?"
"I make bets," the old lady replied.
"What kind of bets?" asked the president.
"I'll give you an example," she said. "I will bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"What a stupid bet. You can't win that kind of bet," chuckled the president.
"Well, do you accept my bet?" challenged the old lady.
"Sure. I'll bet you $25,000 that my balls are not more...

A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup." That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering..."Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"