Balls Jokes / Recent Jokes

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two balls.
Play on the course must be approved by the Owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor Golf, the object is to get the club in the hole, and keep the balls out of the hole.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course Owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before and during play.
Course Owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to ake as many strokes as necessary until the course Owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing th hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admi re the entire course, with special attention to the well-formed bunkers.
Palyers are cautioned *not* to mention other courses they have more...

My wife said to me, "George, it is about time that you learned golf - you know, golf - that's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So I went to see Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?" "Yes," I said, "Sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow," he said, "and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse." "Not for me," I said, "You can tee off there if you want to but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no," he said, "a tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger." "Yeah, I got one of those." "Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of it." I asked, "Do you play golf sitting down? I always thought that you stood up and more...

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

After a two year study on America's recreational preferences, the following results were found:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar line workers is football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.

The conclusion of the study: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and
announces to the class that on each Friday, she
will ask a question to the class and anyone who
answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the
following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher
asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"
Needless to say, no one could answer. The following
Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars
are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next
Friday, he would somehow answer the question and
get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes
two Ping-Pong balls and paints them black. The next
day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the
end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's
this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to
the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the
front of the room. more...

There was this old man who was really horny. So he decided that he would buy a prostitute. He goes to the whore house and pays his money and requests his merchandise. The girl though looks at the pruny old man and refuses. She tells the Madam of the house that if he paid her a million dollars that she woudn't sleep with him. But in the end the Madam convinces her and they do the DEED... Well the girl finds out to her surprise that the old man is really good and she wouldn't mind going at it again. She tells him this and he says okay but you have do something for me first. Since he really pleased her she tells him that sure she will do anything he asks. He tells her to hold his balls perfectly in place without moving either of them an inch for 5 minutes while he takes a nap. Well she's confused by the request but she does what he asks. Well when he finally wakes up he tells her that he is ready. They do it again and in fact it is better than last time. more...

Going into the Pro Shop, the golfer searches and searches but can't seem to find what he's looking for. The pro finally aproaches him and asks if he can be of help. "I can't seem to find any green golf balls," the golfer explains.
Looking throughout the shop, checking through the catalogs and ultimately calling the manufacturers, the pro determines that there are no green golf balls.
Hearing this, the disgusted golfer is heading out the door when the pro stops him and asks, "If you don't mind my asking, why do you want green golf balls?"
"Obviously," replies the golfer, "they'd be much easier to find in the sand traps!!"