Banana Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.

What is long and yellow and always points north? A magnetic banana.

How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in more...

BANANA BREAD RECIPE
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Ingredients:
2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
1 Large Banana
Method:
1) Look into laughing eyes.
2) Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3) Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur lined mixing
bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
4) Add firm banana, gently work in and out until it is well creamed.
5) As heat starts to rise, plunge firm banana deep into fur lined bowl,
cover with nuts, sigh with relief and soak for 10 minutes.
6) Bread is well done when banana becomes soft.
NB:
Be sure to wash mixing utensils.
Do not lick mixing bowl.
If bread starts to rise, leave TOWN.

Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the banana factory?
A. She kept throwing out all the bent ones!!

1. Uh, yeah... I invented Spaghetti-O's.
2. You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee -- and less drippy.
3. Y'know, this hat and apron would look a lot less silly at the foot of your bed.
4. Hey good lookin', whatcha got reducing over a low flame until the sauce is a creamy, then pouring the reduction over the already sauteed veal, adding in a dash of kirsch and flambeing just before presentation?
5. Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock.
6. Whisk, schmisk. I'll show you how a *real* man fluffs butter.
7. I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?
8. Wanna lick my beater?
9. How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
10. Hey, weren't you in my' Introduction to Melons' class?
11. I've made thousands of women cream... of tarragon soup!
12. Get the buttah.
13. One cheeseburger coming up. Would you like a little paradise with that?
14. Mmmm, you look good enough to filet -- but I think I'd more...