Banana Jokes / Recent Jokes

In addition to the $25 million fine it received, Chiquita Banana Brands International has also been ordered to air PSAs on U.S. radio stations:

I'm Chiquita Banana and I've come to say,
Bananas have to ripen in a certain way.
When they are fleck'd with brown and have a golden hue,
Never pay terrorists to protect you.

Start with a cage containing five apes.
In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts.
Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the more...

Holiday Banana Bread:
Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana
Instructions: 1 - look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2 - Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3 - Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased - check with middle finger.
4 - Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5 - Lower nuts and sigh with relief. When banana is soft, bread is done!
6 - Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but "do not lick the bowl." NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Holiday Banana Bread:
Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana
Instructions: 1 - look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2 - Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3 - Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased, check with middle finger.
4 - Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5 - Lower nuts and sigh with relief, when banana is soft, bread is done!
6 - Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but "do not lick the bowl." NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.

Banana Loaf
2 laughing eyes
2 bowing arms
2 well-shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur-lined mixing bowl
1 banana
Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and
massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check
frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until
creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is
done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick
the bowl.
WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN !!!
This is not my joke. Its Traci's, so send flames to her !!-Android

Recipe for Banana Cake

Ingredients:
1 bedroom
2 smiling eyes
2 well shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur trimmed mixing bowl
1 large banana and essence
2 anxious nuts

Method:

Go into bedroom, look into smiling eyes
Separate well shaped legs, squeeze milk containers until
fur trimmed bowl is well greased
Add banana and essence
Gently work in and out until well greased
Cover with nuts

Notes:
Cake is done when banana is soft
Wash utensils. DO NOT lick bowl.

If cake starts to rise....... leave town.