Barman Jokes / Recent Jokes

President Bush and Colin Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"The barman looks over and confirms, "Yep, that's them."So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"Bush checks to make sure no one is listening in, and whispers, "We're planning our next war."And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?"And Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

a bloke finishes work goes to the pub, and asks for a pint. he sees the wall covered in

An Irishman goes into a pub and orders 3 cold Guinnesses. The Barman gives him the three drinks which the man drinks one after another. The following week, exactly the same thing happens and being a bit curious, the barman told the Irishman that there was no need to order three at a go as he would gladly serve him one at a time. The Irishman told him that he did not understand. He had a brother in Canada and another in New York and that every Friday all three had a toast to each other. His brothers were doing the same in Canada and New York.
This went on for a few weeks and one Friday the Irishman ordered only two Guinnesses. "Oh!" said the barman. "I'm sorry to think one of your brother might have passed away".
"No, no, that's not it" said the Irishman. "I quit drinking last week".

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.
Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?'
'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows...'

A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said "Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!" The dog said "Oh please dont be like that, Im trained and I wont cause any trouble!" The bar man was astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with the dog and its owner. After a while the owner went to the toilet and the barman saw his chance for a prank. He said to the dog "Would you do me a favor as a wind up, will you go down to my friends bakers shop and order a loaf of bread??" "Sure!" Replied the dog. The bar man gave the dog a fiver and the dog left. When the owner came out of the toilet he went into a panic when he saw his dog had gone. The barman said "Its ok hes gone down to the bakery for me" The owner was livid "It IS NOT OK hes never been out on his own, anything could happen to him he could get run over. The owner spent the next hour searching for his dog, walking the str eets frantically. As he was walking he heard more...

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, “Can I have a pint of Less, please? ” “I’m sorry sir, ” the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, “I’ve not come across that one before. Is it a spirit? ” “I’ve no idea, ” replies the guy, “The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less. ”

There’s this guy and he lives in the second largest state in America, which is California, and he want’s to live in the largest state of America which is Alaska.
So he goes there for a few weeks and decides he wants to become a fully-fledged Alskan, so he goes in this pub to ask a bar man what he has to do to become a fully fledged Alaskan.
The barnabs say’s “First you drink this liter of whisky, then you’ve got to kill a bear, and find a woman and rape her. ”The guy gets confused, so he asked the barman to repeat it.
He comes back a week later beaten to shit.
“What happened to you? ” said the barman.
“I’m nearly a fully fledged alaskan, all I gotta do now is kill a woman”!