Barman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paddy and Mick go to the bar, as they sit with their drink a guy walks in with a bag over his shoulder.Putting the bag on the bar he asks the barman if he wanted to buy any fish.The barman says"Those fish are alive, were did you get them from?" The guy says"Over the hill is a bridge, and down by the bridge the fish jump, so as they jump you grab the fish and put them into the bag."As Paddy and Mick were listening they decide to go and try to catch the fish.Paddy says to Mick" If I hang over the bridge You hold onto my legs and when I catch a fish I will shot it to you Mick OK?" "OK" Mick replies.So Paddy is dangling by his legs while Mick is holding onto his legs. Afew minutes pass and Mick shouts to Paddy"You got one yet Paddy?" "NO" says Paddy. A few more minutes pass and He asks again"You got one yet Paddy?" "Not yet Mick" He replies. At that Paddies legs start to kick out."Oh Paddy You got one more...

The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food. After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him." "No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man. "Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

Two English crooks paid 1000 for 10000 worth of forged currency. When they checked their purchase they found that the forgeries were unfortunately in 6 and 13 denominations!
Having decided that the only place they would successfully get rid of the dud money would be in Ireland, they jumped onto the boat and made their way to a pub in deepest Co. Kerry.
The barman drew their 2 pints of the black stuff, and one of the crooks nonchalantly asked "Will you accept 6 or 13 sterling notes? I haven't anything smaller?".
The barman cheerfully replied "Ah sure that'll be fine. .. now would you be wanting yer change in 2 or 9 notes?"

A guy goes into a bar and says, “Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts! ” The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer.
The guy drinks it fast. “Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts! ”
The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy.
The guy drinks it fast. “Quick another beer before the trouble starts! ”
The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly.
Again, the guy drinks it fast. “Quick another beer before the trouble starts! ”
The barman replies, “Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about? ”
“I haven’t got any money! ”

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodka." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife!"

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.