Barman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three pieces of string walked into a bar. The first piece of string went up to the bar and asked the barman "
Can i have three pints of beer please?"
The barman replied "
No sorry mate, we dont serve pieces of string."
So it went and sat back down and the second piece of string walked up to the bar and said to the barman "
Alright mate, can i have three pints of beer please?"
and the barman replied "
Look, sorry mate but we do not serve pieces of string"
So back it went to the table and the third piece of string stood up, tied himself on a knot and fraid the egdes. It walked up to the bar and said "
Can I have three pints of beer please?"
the barman said "
Are you a piece of string?"
and the piece of string replied "
No mate, i'm a fraid knot!!"

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender says "Geez! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?".

"Yeah, my wife..."

A man walks into a bar and notices that there is a game of poker taking place at a table in the corner of the room.
To his amazement, one of the players is a German Shepherd, studying his hand intently.
He asks the barman, "Is that dog actually playing poker?"
"He certainly is, sir," replies the barman.
"I am amazed," said the man.
"Oh, it's quite true, every night, the same group comes in here and they all play poker."
"Does the dog win much?" asks the man.
"No, he's terrible, every time he gets a good hand, his tail starts to wag!"

A sheepdog walks into a bar and sits up at the bar on a barstool. The barman is very confused but decides to serve him anyway.The sheepdog orders a double scotch and the barman says,
"I'm sorry for asking, but can you pay for it?"The dog says yes and reaches into his fur and pulls out his wallet."That will be

Three jokes all related to the recent Clinton visit to Ireland.

Joke 1
On his recent trip to Dublin, Bill Clinton walked down Moor Street. For those of you that don't know Dublin, Moor Street has a large population of street fruit sellers.
Bill goes up to one of these fruitsellers and asks for a dozen oranges. He is given his bag of oranges, pays his money and walks off.
A liitle way down the road he looks in the bag and discovers he only has 11. He goes back to remonstrate: Bill: "How many Oranges do I get in a dozen in Ireland?"
Street Seller: "12 sir"
Bill: "But I've only got 11!"
Street Seller: "That's right, one was bad so I threw it away for you!"

Joke 2
Prior to Bill's visit to Ireland the CIA and Secret Service wanted to ensure everything was perfectly safe, so they trained a special agent in every known dialect of Irish Gaelic, and sent him on a short tour of the country.
He more...

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not, ” asks the golf club.
“You’ll be driving later, ” replies the bartender.

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar. He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women. The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that would jump from the rich guy's pocket. The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger. Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while. The barman went over and asked the guy what was up. So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story. I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp. I rub it, and a genie popped out. I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy. Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both." The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?" "Oh, tha t," mumbles the rich guy. "That's the twelve-inch prick I wished more...