Bat Jokes / Recent Jokes

While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec. bat file. He said it said "File not found". I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec. bat listed. He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat." I said type this in "type autoexec. bat". Again he got "File not found". I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed. He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.

One evening two vampire bats were hanging out in their cave. One said, "Man, I'm starving! I need to get some blood!" And he flew out of the cave.
He returned about three hours later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"Where'd you get the blood?" the other bat
asked.
"Well, you fly out of the cave, and you see the first tree on the left?"
"Yes," the other bat replied.
"Well, I didn't."

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood. ”
“We’re new here, ” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us. ”
The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere. ” He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood? ”
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there? ”
“Yes, ” the other bat answers.
“Well, ” says the first bat, “I didn’t. ”

From "Machine Design" Magazine.

. .... Byte Bat

All too often, computers aren't up when you need them, or some sort of system error costs you a lot of time and effort. Hitting a computer or terminal with anything substantial can be satisfying, but expensive. That's where the Byte Bat comes in.

It is a foam rubber baseball bat, 17 in. long, that may give you a harmless but satisfying way in which to "strike back" at computers.

Specially designed to serve as a frustration shunt, the Byte Bat is compatible with all computers and operating systems, making it the first universally compatible foamware. Each Byte Bat comes with a complete user's manual, one genuine "Byte Bat User Button," one multi-color poster showing the device in use, and a warning decal that advises all who approach that "This computer-friendly liveware is protected by Byte Bat."

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner! So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family." "Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children." "Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on more...

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the caves roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Well I didnt!"

One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day, so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house. Superman: "Hey Spidey, let's go get a burger and a beer!" Spidey: "No, Superman. I've got a problem with my Web-shooter. Can't fight crime tomorrow without it". So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave to see what's up. Superman: "Hey, Batman! Let's go get a burger and a beer!" Batman: "Not today, my friend. My Bat Mobile is down and it must be fixed today. Can't fight crime tomorrow without it". Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air, cruising around the skies when he flies over a penthouse apartment. And what to his supervision does he see, but none other than Wonder Woman, lying on the deck, spread-eagle, stark-naked! Superman gets a brilliant idea: "They've always said I'm faster than a speeding bullet and I've always wondered what she'd be like with all her Wonder Powers". So he zzoooooommms down and does her more...