Bat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.

One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in. "OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally, he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy."Good," said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"

While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec. bat file. He said it said "File not found". I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec. bat listed. He said, "Well it says autoexec, then theres some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat."I said type this in "type autoexec. bat". Again he got "File not found". I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed. He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat.

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
“OK, follow me, ” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
“Now, do you see that tree over there? ” he asked.
“YES, YES, YES!! ” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
“Good! ” said the first bat, “Because I f***ing didn’t! ”

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, the group asked the standing bat: "What the heck are you doing down there?"

And the bat shouts back: "Yoga!"

While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec. bat file.

He said it said "File not found".

I told him to do a dir.

I asked him if he saw autoexec. bat listed.

He said, "Well it says autoexec, then there's some spaces, but no dot, and then it says bat."

I said type this in "type autoexec. bat".

Again he got "File not found".

I asked him to tell me exactly what he typed.

He said, "I typed just what you told me: `type autoexecdotbat'.

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