Batteries Jokes / Recent Jokes
"Do you have any batteries?" a woman asks the hardware store clerk. "Yes, m'am." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this way?" "If I could come that way," the woman says, "I wouldn't need the batteries."
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb,
went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact
there is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the
paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And
Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
she saideth,' Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next
year!' And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was
more interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the more...
I bought some batteries but they were not included,
so I had to buy them again.
On our last venture out for Christmas shopping, we had bought a few gadgets for the younguns and then realized we didn't have any batteries.
I stepped over to the counter to get the batteries, but I couldn't attract any clerk's attention.
I waited a while then said to April, "I'll get someone's attention. Stay right here." With that, I pulled out a tape measure I just happened to have with me, and started to "measure" one of those large screen plasma television sets. You know, the ones that go for about $4000.
Amazingly, a clerk almost leap-frogged over several pieces of furniture to reach my side.
"Sir! Can I help you?" he exclaimed.
"Yeah, you can. I'll take 8 of those batteries over there."
Did you know, I was reading about an enormous factory in the USA where there is only ONE MAN working - I know what you're thinking - we've got enormous factories where NOBODY'S working - but this one is different - it's got an end product: it is completely automated to make torch batteries, and the only employee is an old rabbi who stands at the end of the conveyor belt and as the batteries go past he says, "I wish you long life! I wish you long life!"
What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man?
You can enjoy all but the head
What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?
They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this.
What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man?
They both get hot in 15 seconds
Why can't a man be both good-looking and intelligent?
Because that would make him a woman.
Why is a man's brain the size of a peanut?
Because it is swollen.
Why are batteries better than men?
Batteries have at least one positive end.
Why does it take one million sperm to fertilise one egg?
Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask directions.
Why are men like the letter Q?
Because it is a big fat zero with a small protrusion.
Why do fewer women get married these days?
Because they would rather have bacon in the fridge, than a pig in the
living room.
What is the similarity between a video recorder and a more...