Beach Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly awasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coaton her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then hemakes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examiningher, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps sohe says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it outby putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as hefeels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife'sscreaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the generalpanic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor sayshe'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, sothe doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on andinstantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug thewife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues withvigour. The more...

A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.
The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp, he learned that Bill Gates was indeed, the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," more...

10 Things People Around the World Learn About Americans by Watching Baywatch1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their days running in slow motion along the beach. 2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour. 3. Despite the habit of breathing water, CPR always works and no one actually dies, except from cancer. 4. People in the U. S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance. 5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat people are unreliable and sometimes evil. 6. Most American women have abnormally large breasts that are worshipped via close-ups for an average of two minutes and thirteen seconds per hour. 7. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown. 8. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages and lasts no longer than two minutes. 9. Although Americans, especially more...

A man was on the beach, sunbathing in the nude, when he noticed a little girl coming towards him. He quickly took the newspaper he was reading and covered himself with it.
"Hey, mister, what do you have under the newspaper?" asked the little girl.
"Just a bird," he replied. The little girl walked away and he fell asleep.
When he woke up, he found himself lying in a hospital bed in tremendous pain. The police asked him what had happened.
"I don't know," he groaned. "The last thing I remember is lying on the beach and a little girl asking me about my privates. Next thing I know, I'm here."
The police went to the beach to look for the little girl. When they found her, they asked her what she had done to the naked man.
She paused for a moment, then replied, "I didn't do anything to him. I was playing with the bird and it spit at me. So, I broke its neck, cracked its eggs and set its nest on fire."

...for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place.
They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no! My wife's dinner party!" He gathered all his clothes, put them more...

On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses aninflatable sex doll? Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to
me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead
in the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He
died and went to Heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then
said, "And God threw him back down?"