Becky Jokes / Recent Jokes

The widow
Becky`s husband dies. It was not until sometime after that Becky was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been.
"Sidney thought of everything," she told some friends. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside and handed me 3 envelopes."
"Becky," he told me, "I have put all my last wishes in these 3 envelopes. After I am gone, open them in sequence and do exactly as I have written. Only then can I rest in peace."
"What was in the 1st envelope?" her friends asked.
"It contained £5,000 with a note, ‘Please use this money to buy me a nice coffin’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany coffin for him."
"The 2nd envelope contained £10,000 with a note, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I made Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favourite foods for the shiva, including some fine malt more...

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Sam says to Becky (imagine a Yiddish accent), "So, Becky, I was wondering... have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right, three times..."
"Three, hmmm, well when were they?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan... remember? Then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked...? Well..."
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever to do such a thing for me... So when was number two?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no more...

A pastor was talking about being good and going to Heaven with a group of young children.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Children, where do you want to go?"
"I want to go to Heaven," exclaimed Becky.
"And what do you have to be to get there, Becky?" asked the pastor.
"Fucking dead!" shouted Little Johnny.

Abe is a new arrival at a retirement community, and is passing the morning sunning himself on a bench near the garden. Becky is out for her morning constitutional, spies Abe, and says "Do you mind?"

"Not at all" Abe says, so Becky sits down on the opposite end of his bench.

"So, you're new here" says Becky.

"Yes" Abe nods.

"So, where are you from?" asks Becky.

"Washington" Abe answers.

"The state or the capitol?" asks Becky.

"The state" replies Abe.

"So how old are you? asks Becky.

"I'll be 52 in October.". Abe replies

"What did you do in Washington?" asks Becky.

"I was in prison" Abe says.

"Really!" says Becky, "what did you do?"

"My wife was always asking stupid questions, so I chopped her up and put her more...

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex." The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?" Johnny says, "Seventy-three." The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness... uh... very good, John, very good..."She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?" Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one... where the guy just lays on top of the girl." Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."

The Indian holiday
Becky, an elderly Jewish lady from London, goes to her travel agent and says, "I want to go to India."
"Why India? It`s filthy, very hot, and it`s filled to the brim with Indians. It`s a long journey, and those trains, how will you manage? What will you eat? The food is too hot and spicy for you. You can`t drink the water. You must not eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You`ll get sick - hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, God only knows. What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?"
"I want to go to India."
The necessary arrangements are made, and off she goes. Becky arrives in India and, undeterred by the noise, smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram. There she joins the seemingly never- ending queue of people waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her that it will take at least three days of standing in line to see the guru.
"That`s more...

This joke should be told to a drinking audience, one that can appreciate it's difficulties:
Two brothers, Tucker & Buck, grew up on a duck farm with their parents; Becky & Huck. Comin back from town one day Huck's truck got unluckily stuck in some muck and, worse, the muck was between the ties of a railroad crossing. Sure enough, a train arrived and ran right over Becky, Huck, and the muck stuck truck.
Freshly orphaned, it didn't take the brothers long to exhaust their resources and in order to raise some cash, they decided to sell a couple ducks.
Tucker & Buck each tucked a duck up under their arm, & went strutting down the pike. At a fork in the road, a wager was struck for 10 bucks, Tucker & Buck would each try his luck selling a duck and meet again later to settle the wager.
Hiking briskly, Buck passed by a bungalow festooned with a buxom B girl on it's Balcony. The Lass beckoned to Buck, and assured him his duck rendered adequate tender for her to remove the bends more...