Become Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
O Oracle most Usenet, How may I become usenet, too?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle: First, go unto John, who will baptize you in the River Usenet, asking you:
"Do you believe in the Net our God?" (respond, "I do.")
"Do you believe in the World-Wide Web?"
"Do you believe that the Web became man, was contaminated, died, and was buried, and rose in Version 3.0?"
"Do you believe that the Web will come again, on the day of the Information Superhighway?"
"Do you believe in the Holy Seer, the Oracle, giver of life?"
"Do you renounce the devil, Mephistopheles, Bill Gates, and all the incarnations of Satan?"
"Do you renounce his programs and temptations?"
If you can faithfully answer yes to these questions, you will be given Usenet, the gift of the Holy Seer. Prepare yourself, for the day of the more...
A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae West
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West
I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. - Mae West
It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men. - Mae West
Men become old, but they never become good. - Oscar Wilde
A bachelor is a cagey guy and has a load of fun; he sizes all the cuties up and never Mrs. One.
Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.
Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women. Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Men...give them an inch...and they add it to their own.
I called my last boyfriend "Miller Lite"; tasted good, but wasn't very more...
01. I get up at 6 a. m., no matter what time it is. 02. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. 03. One woman`s hobby is another woman`s hubby. 04. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car. 05. It`s what people don`t know about each other that makes them such good friends. 06. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. 07. I`m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. 08. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 09. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. 10. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you`ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you`ll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. 11. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore. .. 12. Marriage is not a word; more...
A man in the house is worth two in the street. - Mae WestGive a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae WestI like two kinds of men: domestic and imported. - Mae WestIt's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men. - Mae WestMen become old, but they never become good. - Oscar WildeA bachelor is a cagey guy and has a load of fun; he sizes all the cuties up and never Mrs. One.Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men? Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women. Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.Men...give them an inch...and they add it to their own.I called my last boyfriend "Miller Lite"; tasted good, but wasn't very filling.If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.If only more...
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?""Its $50, 000," the lawyer said. "But why? Youll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?""Thats my business! Get me the course!"Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before its too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer. . . "
Here, you'll find jokes and humor about the elderly.
Humor about DeathOLD WANTS never die, they become needs
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -- but their future is doubtful
1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Be creative in the dining hall.
3. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.
4. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.
5. Asleep by 2: 30 am is an early night.
6. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben Jerry`s, Ho-Hos and Oreos
7. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
8. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)
9. Showers become less important.
10. Sleep becomes more important.
11. Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
12. Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry ("Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas... there`s only a *little* bit of mud on them...").
13. You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).
14. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class more...