Beep Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?

The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by going "Beep Beep!"
No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products.
The Coyote could stop anytime - IF he were not a fanatic. "A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim" - George Santayana.
No dialogue ever, except "Beep Beep!"
The road Runner must stay on the road - otherwise, logically, he would not be called Road Runner.
All Action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters - the Southwest American desert.
All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation.
Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's greatest enemy.
The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures

The Palace Mobile Home Trailer Park is a place that welcomes sex offenders. Ninety-five of these 200 residents are convicted sex offenders with ankle bracelets, including some pedophiles.

They also hold the record for buying the most Halloween candy.

Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.(From a machine at a college dorm:)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message." Hi. Now you say something." "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so more...

The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep." "How marvelous," the old man said." Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to work three times before you die." On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied, he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow more...