Beep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are Delusional, press 7, your call will be transfered to the Mothership. If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway. If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696. If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line. If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names. If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911. If you more...
The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep.""How marvelous," the old man said."Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to work three times before you die."On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied, he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow more...
A man and his son were traveling to the bank one Saturday morning when they stopped at a corner. The little boy hearing a "Beep..Beep..Beep" and ask his dad where the sound was coming from.
His dad replied that the sound was comming from a near by dump truck that was backing up and that sound was to warn people behind it to get out of the way.
When they arrived at the bank the lines were long (as usual) and so they got into one of the lines behind a rather large lady.
All of a sudden another man's beeper started to go off and the little boy with fear in his eyes said "Look out dad she's backing up!"
A man and his son were traveling to the bank one Saturday morning when they stopped at a corner. The little boy hearing a "Beep..Beep..Beep" and ask his dad where the sound was coming from.His dad replied that the sound was comming from a near by dump truck that was backing up and that sound was to warn people behind it to get out of the way.When they arrived at the bank the lines were long (as usual) and so they got into one of the lines behind a rather large lady.All of a sudden another man's beeper started to go off and the little boy with fear in his eyes said "Look out dad she's backing up!"
I hate you you mother f####r dirty b####h basterd beep beep beep beep beep beep beep!
Me: "What is that noise?" Customer: "Hey Martinez!! Im on the phone! Cut it out!" Me: "What was that?" Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Customer: "Its from a device." Me: "What kind of device?" Customer: "I dont know." Me: "Like a fax machine or something?" Customer: "I dont know. Someone is under house arrest or something."