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Two whales were swimming in the bay when they noticed the whaling boat that killed and harpooned their brother. The first whale says to the second whale, "Hey there is that boat that harpooned and killed our brother. Let's go swim underneath the boat, blow out of our blowholes, and then the boat will tip over, and all the fisherman will drown in the icy sea!!"

The second whale agrees, so they begin to get their revenge. They swim under the boat, blow out their blowholes, and sure enough, the boat capsizes and all the fisherman begin to drown.

The first whale turns to the second and says, "Now I know what we'll do. We'll swim around and eat up all these fisherman to really get back at them!"

The second whale turns to his brother and says, "I don't think so; I may do blowjobs, but I don't swallow sea men."

1757
The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
Claus II to begin an ambitious project that of breeding and
training reindeer to fly.

1773
The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
major form of transportation.

1774
A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by
the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday,
inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To
impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the
elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a
dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this,
and the seeds of rebellion are planted.

1777
As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search
for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of more...

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God the Father as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously - lines and lines of code steaming up the screen. They keep at it for several hours straight. Just seconds before the end of the competition, a huge bolt of lightning strikes wiping out all the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God the Father announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God the Father, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and his screen comes to full life in a beautiful vivid display. Just then the voices of an angelic choir begin to pour forth from the more...

How does a monster begin a fairy tale?"Once upon a slime. . . "

The History of Santa Claus - Part 1
======================
== The Untold Story ==
======================
1689
Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and
establishes a small base camp.
1691
Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew
abandons him.
1692
Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe,
bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds
he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.
1703
Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and
returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp,
half-buried but still intact.
1704
Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts,
and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to
increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar
base.
1705
Claus returns again to more...

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided you share of the work is done enough to keep the job going in your absence. YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks more...

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing football - see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and Candy."
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares." and see what happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
10. Play with the automatic doors.
11. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
12. While more...