Behavior Jokes

College by Dave Barry Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: * Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. * Things you will not need to know in later life (1, 998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to more...

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own room.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work more...

Prison life versus a full-time jobIn prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. Work jokes you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. Work jokes you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison you get time off for good behavior. Work jokes you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. Work jokes you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. Work jokes you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. Work jokes you are just ball-and-chained. In prison you get your own toilet. Work jokes you have to share. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. Work jokes you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. Work more...

A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant."Don't play with your food," one second-grader cited."Don't be loud," said another, and so on."And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one little boy.Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."

In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At work, you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In prison, you get three meals a day.
At work, you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
In prison, you get time off for good behavior.
At work, you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work, you must carry a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison, you can watch TV and play games.
At work, you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison, you get your own toilet.
At work, you have to share.
In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work, you aren't suppose to speak to your family and friends.
In prison, all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work, you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from more...