Believe Jokes / Recent Jokes

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the more...

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl,
"I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice.
Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road.
If you want, you can get one from him, too."
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's more...

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change.

A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've more...

your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
you say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers.
you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy it is quiet around here."
you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
you have ever had a patient say, "But I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant. How can I be having a baby?"
you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an more...

If we believe in data structures, we must believe in independent (hence simultaneous) processing. For why else would we collect items within a structure? Why do we tolerate languages that give us the one without the other?