Bell Jokes / Recent Jokes

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer. He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job.The frustrated church leader says, "The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?" The no-armed man says, "I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family."The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says, "OK give it a try."And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death.The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says, "OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?"The church leader says, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was in here yesterday!"

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.

Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.

Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.

Q: What`s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Somone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn`t.

Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.

Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?
A: The frog`s probably on its way to a gig.

Orchestral trombonists count so much rest and play so many repeated figures that the sheep story also works.

Trombone: a slide whistle with delusions of granduer.

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone. . . cheese mine."

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell who?
Tinker Bell is out of order!

What did the bell say when it fell in the water? I'm wringing wet.

Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light.However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electricbulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbsdark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labsspokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier thanthat of light, and that dark is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There isless dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parkinglot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with allthings, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, theycan no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full darksucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has a more...

Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't
emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers.
The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark
is faster than light. The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. Take for example the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is
less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark
sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot
have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things,
dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer
suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark more...