Personality Jokes

Six key indicators of when the honeymoon period has finished.

1. Addictions
Before: You tell her you don't mind the occasional cold beer on a hot day with your mates, and that you've taken recreational drugs but those days are well and truly over.
After: For the fifth night in a row you stagger in blotto, dig out your stash and mull up, pass out in the lounge in your underpants and expect her to accept that you're just being you.

2. Bodily functions
Before: You spray aerosol after a crap; piss on the side of the bowl to reduce noise and never, ever fart in her presence.
After: You fart in front of her with impunity and obvious pride, commenting on the food intake for the day and speculating on the resultant odour. Despite repeated pleas to the contrary, you fart in bed and hold her head under the covers. You think it's hilarious.

3. Relations/Friends
Before: Her aunty Jane is a real character with a lively personality and more...

You've heard about the highly competitive behavior of type A personalities, compared to the more laid-back, personality of type Bs.
Well now I hear there is a new label- Type D's. They are people who display constant hostility, anxiety, anger, and depression.
Type D personality? Didn't we used to have a better name for this kind of person? I think the term was "asshole".

To determine YOUR personality. Check the gift you'd most like to get.
Candy
Flowers
A sweet poem
Sex
Dinner/Dancing
Waffle iron
If you answered...
CANDY, It means that...
You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share...
OR
you're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love.
FLOWERS, It means that...
You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture...
OR
you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.
A SWEET POEM, It means that...
You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word...
OR
you're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
SEX, It means that...
You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your more...

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic - Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and
towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me

Borderline Personality - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire

Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..............

Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality -- We Three Queens Disoriented AreDementia -- I Think I'll Be Home For ChristmasNarcissistic -- Hark the Herald Angels Sing (About Me)Mania -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and... or Deck the Halls and Spare No ExpensesBorderline Personality -- Thoughts of Roasting in an Open FireParanoia -- Santa Claus is Coming To Get MePersonality Disorder -- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry. I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll Tell You WhyDepression -- Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia. All is Calm, All is Pretty LonelyObsessive Compulsive -- Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock... Passive Aggressive -- On the First Day of Christmas My Mother Gave to Me... (And Then Took it All Away)