Bell Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many unix programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2]" he'll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.

Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!

Q: How many software vendors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light more...

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world.After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is."Kenneth.""And what is your question, Kenneth?""I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those
things you took when you left the White House?"Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess.When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is."Larry.""And what is your question?""I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? more...

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman. ”
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
“Well, ” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want? ”
“I just want to know why you can’t ring the bell for yourself? ”

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. "Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" "I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"

There were three women that broke out of jail.One had red hair, one had brown hair, the other was blone.As they were running down the road they saw a old barn, so they went to hide out in it.They hide behind three bells of hay.The police search party went in the barn looking for them.One police went over to the bells of hay and kicked the first one were the red head was hiding.She cried out"Quack Quack"So he thought it was a duck.He went to the second bell of hay were the brown haired lady was hinding.She cried out"Arf Arf"So he thought it was a dog.He went to the thrid bell of hay were the blonde was hiding.She cried out"Potatoes Potatoes"So he kicked it again.Now she cried out"Cat Cat"

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer. He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job.

The frustrated church leader says, "The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?"

The no-armed man says, "I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family."

The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says, "OK give it a try."

And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death.

The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says, "OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?"

The church leader says, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but more...

A new bellringer was needed for Notre Dame Cathedral to replace Quasimoto, the hunchback. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up to the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "Observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop ran down the long series of steps to the bottom of the cathedral, then rushed out to the man's more...