Bench Jokes / Recent Jokes

A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. There were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
The woman agreed.
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."

Consider the story of the two octogenarians on a park bench. One asks the other: "Do you believe in reincarnation?"
"Well, Joe," replies Harry, "I've never really thought much about it."
"Maybe we ought to start thinking about it," says Joe. "One of us is going to go first. Let's agree that the one who is left behind will come to this park bench every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m., and the one who has departed will find a way of getting a message to him at that time about reincarnation and all those other things that are beyond our ken."
Harry agrees.
One month later, Joe dies peacefully in his sleep. Every week for several months, Harry takes up his station at the park bench at 11:00 a.m.
Then one Wednesday, at the appointed hour, he hears a voice, as though from afar.
"Harry, Harry, can you hear me?" the voice says. "It's Joe."
"Joe, for heaven's sake, what is it more...

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have fun together laughing and relaxing. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make fun together laughing and relaxing again. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we relax more and enjoy ourselves." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"

A Good Read
Abe is sitting on a bench in Green Park reading an anti-Semitic Newsheet. Solomon, his best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops --- in shock.
"What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the Jewish Chronicle!"
Abe replies, "The Jewish Chronicle has stories about inter-marriage, anti-Semitism, problems in Israel---all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news. This semitic paper says the Jews have all the money...the Jews control the banks...the Jews control the press... the Jews control Hollywood. Better to read nothing but good news!"

One fine day, a young gentleman decided to sleep nude in a
public park. He gently undressed himself and relaxed his tender
body on the park bench.
Little Cindy walked by and was awfully attracted to this "thing"
one may call it.
Little Cindy, being so young and curious, asked the nude
gentleman, "Hey Mr. Can I play with your birdy?"
The gentleman gave her a look and said, " Get-lost kid!" and
relaxed back on the bench.
Couple of hours passed by...... and the gentleman woke up.....
All of a sudden, he sees all these doctors around him and he was
wheeled to the ER.
When he looked down, everything was red.
With confusion, the gentleman questioned the doctor.
The doctor said, "Our little Cindy will explain you everything."
Cindy walked into the room, and smiled.
Gentleman:..... What did you do?
Cindy:......... I was playing with the birdy and the birdy spit
on more...