Bench Jokes / Recent Jokes

This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to swill. As he states his preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag.
The bartenders curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the piano and begins playing.
The bartender says,"wow, he sure can play the piano, where'd you get him?"
The guy looks at him and again reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here, go ahead, rub it.."
So the bartender says, more...

Howard aged 92 lives in a seniors home. Everyday he uses to take a walk in the garden and whenever he is tired he used to sit on a bench and think of his past accomplishents. There came Mildred aged 82 who used to do the same thing like Howard and on that day happend to sit beside Howard on the same bench. They started a conversation which lasted for hours and finally Mildred asked Howard what he misses most in his life. Howard replied "SEX"
Mildred: "You old fart even if I a hold a gun at your
head you will never get the standup at this age"
Howard: "But Mildred it will be nice if a
woman can hold my manhood for some pleasure"
Mildred: "Suely I can oblige you" and then she unziped Howard and held his manhood gently for him to get the satisfaction he wanted. This became a habit and they both enjoyed doing it everyday as a routine.
One day to Mildred's surprise Howard was not there and she wandered about in the more...

Legendary football announcer Keith Jackson was in Texas to announce a college football game when he noticed a special telephone near the Longhorn's bench. He asked a nearby Texas player what it was for, and was told that it was the "hotline to God."
Keith asked if he could use it. The player told him, "Sure, but it will cost you $10."
Keith scratched his head and thought, "What the heck, I need a break picking games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $10. Keith was perfect that week with his football picks.
The next week Mr. Jackson was in Florida when he noticed the same kind of telephone on the FSU bench. He again asked what the telephone was for and was told, "It's the hotline to God. If you want to use it, it'll cost you $10."
Recalling the prior week, Keith pulled out his wallet and made the call. Keith was again perfect calling games.
The next weekend Mr. Jackson was in Nebraska at Memorial Stadium, when he noticed more...

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?"The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again.""So, what the hell is the problem?""Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?"The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again.""So, what the hell is the problem?""Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted." To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me." "Of course," she smiled." I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while." The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurence, and every day the 2 elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis. One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman-SHE was holding his penis!"What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched. He looked up at her and smiled." Parkinsons," he replied.

Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How are you, Richard?" asked George. "I'm not feeling too good today, I'm utterly exhausted," replied Richard. "I've pulled a muscle, and it's killing me." "I'm surprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Richard yawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night."

Amazing Geanie
This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and
pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to swill. As he states his
preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The bartender gives a
puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that
something is still moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in front of the man.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag. The man reaches
into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the
piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench
in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the
piano and begins playing.
The more...