Benefits Jokes / Recent Jokes
They aren't stupid. Senate Democrats know if they don't pass a health care bill, they are going to need those jobless benefits.
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five year's salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."
"I can't help but ask why you would leave a job with such benefits,"
the interviewer replied.
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
Sri Lanka now hires very suitable candidates for the post of Members of 2004 parliment. Hurry up and submit your application soon.
Qualifications:
Education: Not required
Age: 18 to 85 years
Skills: A foul mouth and longe tongue, Ability to use illegel firearms, close contacts with underworld gangs, experiene in making small size explosives, ability to stuff ballot boxes with hora votes. Preference will given to those who have a good track record of scams, fruads and money swindlings. Knowledge of damaging the environment with polythene a must.
The following benefits will be offered:
Salary Rs. 22100/= per month
Other allowances legal; Entertainment Rs1000/= pm
Fuel Rs. 7500/=pm Cell phone Rs. 2000/=pm Attending parliment: Rs. 4000/=pm Driver: s. Rs3500/=pm and postage Rs7500pm
Other extra benefits:
Telephone with international connection
Free photocopier, computer and typewriter at duty free rates, permit to import luxury car, more...
Obesity has been getting a lot of bad press recently. Research conducted entirely by thin people, has uncovered justification for their own masochistic obsessive-compulsive, fun-killing anal retentative lifestyles. One of the great problems with research, of course, is that the researchers tend to find what they're looking for. And when they find it, they stop looking for other things. It's important, therefore, not to believe research by pressure groups that start with preconceived ideas. Examples of findings not to believe: research on the benefits of exercise by phys. Ed. Department, on the hazards of cholesterol by an anorexic and on the joy of obesity by an overweight G. P. The whole obesity phobia was started by some statistics from a life insurance company purporting to show that people who were overweight didn't live as long as people who were underweight. These were very raw figures and led to some unwarranted conclusions. First, it was assumed that if the overweight group more...
The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...
Having just graduated, the young Engineer was nearing the end of a job interview when the person from Human Resources asked him what salary he would be expecting.
Depending on the benefits package, I'd say in the neighborhood of $100,000 a year," the Engineer replied.
"What would you say to a benefits package of 6 weeks vacation,14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say perhaps a red Porche?" asked the person from HR.
"Wow!!! You've got to be kidding," said the wide-eyed Engineer.
"I certainly am, but you started it!" replied the HR person.