Benny Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mother’s love
Benny is almost 32 years old. All his friends are now married but Benny just dates and dates. Finally his friend asks him, "What`s the matter, Benny? Are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you really that fussy? Surely you can find someone who suits you?"
"No I just can’t," Benny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn`t like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "why don`t you find a girl who`s just like your mother?"
Many weeks go by and again Benny and his friend get together.
"So, have you found the perfect girl yet? One that`s just like your mother?"
Benny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start and they have become good friends."
"So, do I owe you a Mazel Tov? Are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I`m more...

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.
The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man’s car bumper.
Then he yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull. ”
Benny didn’t move.
Then he yelled, “Come on, pull Ranger. ”
Still, Benny didn’t move.
Then he yelled really loud, “Now pull, Fred, pull hard. ”
Benny just stood.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said,
“Okay, Benny, pull. ”
Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn’t even try. ”

School test
During a maths lesson at school, the teacher points to little Benny and asks, "Benny, what’s 3 percent?"
Benny sits for a while shaking his head and then replies, "You’re right Miss, what’s 3 percent?"

The phone call.
Morris calls his son in New York.
Morris says "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don`t want to discuss it. I`m merely telling you because you`re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I`ve made up my mind, I`m divorcing your mother."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened.
"I don`t want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can`t decide to divorce Mum just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It`s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you`re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don`t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where`s Mum? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don`t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven`t told her yet. Believe me it hasn`t been easy. I`ve agonised over it for several more...

A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace.

There were only two survivors: the boat's owner Dr. Eskin and its steward, Benny. Both managed to swim to the closest island. After reaching the deserted strip of land, the steward was crying and very upset that they would never be found. The other man was quite calm, relaxing against a tree.

"Dr. Eskin, Dr. Eskin, how can you be so calm?" cried the Benny. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."

"Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Benny," began the confident Dr. Eskin. "Five years ago I gave the United Way $500,000 and another $500,000 to the United Jewish Appeal. I donated the same amounts four years ago. And, three years ago, since I did very well in the stock market, I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year business was good again, so more...

Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod).
When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him.
"So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just want to always be ready or what?"
"Not scared..." Benny growled, "been doin' it dis way ever since me sister-in-law's weddin' 'bout ten ten years ago now".
"Oh yeah?... so...?"
"Well, I used ta know her fiance at da time - a no good more...

Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod). When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him."So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just want to always be ready or what?""Not scared..." Benny growled, "been doin' it dis way ever since me sister-in-law's weddin' 'bout ten ten years ago now"."Oh yeah?... so...?""Well, I used ta know her fiance at da time - a no good chisler. He never even loved more...