Bert Jokes / Recent Jokes
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.
"Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.
"You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."
"I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.
"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"
"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...
Stella, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the town's morals, always stuck her nose into other people's business.
Many of the local residents didn't appreciate her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However, she made a mistake when she accused one of the local men, Bert, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar one afternoon.
Bert, known to be a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away without saying a word. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.
Steve and Bert head out to play 9 holes of golf. "Let's make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on low score for the day," says Steve. "Sounds good to me," replies Bert.
After the 8th hole, Bert is ahead by one stroke but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball, Steve," Bert says. "You look over there." After a few minutes of looking, neither of them has had any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Bert takes a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "It's ok, I found it," he announces.
Steve looks at him and says, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd go and cheat me on golf for a lousy $5?"
"What are you talking about? I found my ball right here," replies Bert.
"Oh, and a liar too!" says Steve, with disappointment. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the past five more...
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!!
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded.
"But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally more...