Bet Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt. So he buys a new cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster- I've got to do something about this! He walks up to the new bird and says,' So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself.' Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definately thought he was more than a match for the old guy.' You're on', he said,' and more...
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it. He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks".
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing.
"Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender?
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. "Aw, you more...
A jatt and a normal man met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The jatt bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the man replied,' I'll take that bet!' Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the jatt gave the man the $50 he owed.
The man said' I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The jatt said' No. A bet's a bet'.
So the man said' Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The jatt replied,' Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I bet for a hundred dollars that, if you give me a beer, I can tell you what kind of beer it is. ” So the bartender gives him the first beer and the guy says: “That’s an easy one: Budweiser. ” The bartender’s amazed and gives him the next beer and the guy says: “This one is a Warsteiner. ” And every time the bartender gives him a beer, he knows what kind of beer it is. After a while the bartender starts to think: “Shit, this is gonna cost me a hundred dollars. I have to think of something else. ” So, he goes to the bathroom, pees in the glass and gives it to the guy. The guy takes the glass, takes a sip, lets it roll in his mouth, swallows it and says: “Well, this is a hard one. ” Then he takes another sip and says: “Heineken, but somebody else drank it first. ”
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather smiles. "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars. .. then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?" The grandfather replies, "Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!"