Bet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa saw that his friend Ram Lai was very depressed.
'What happened?' asked Santa
'Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.'
'How come?'
'Well, yesterday, the one day match between India and England was being shown live on TV I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.'
'But that's only Rs 500, where did the rest go?'
'Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!'

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony, beaming at the thousands of people in the courtyard below. The Queen said to the Pope out of the side of her mouth,' I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand.' The Pope replied,' No way! You can't do that.' The Queen said,' Watch this!' So, the Queen waved her hand and every English person in the crowd went crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering like mad. The Pope was standing there thinking,' Oh no, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it.' He thought to himself for a minute, and then turned to her and said,' I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild. Not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head.' The Queen replied,' No way, it can't be done.' So, the Pope head-butted her.

A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems. She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, " Mister, I'm broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I'm out of a place to live. I'll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can't come up with a reply to." The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead. So she tells him, "six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can't tell the depth of mine." The man scratches his head and says, "your right, I can't top that." and he pays her the five dollars. Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block until she has 3, 000 more...

Two guys in a bar are watching the TV. There is a news report about a man who threatens to jump off a 5 story building unless the cops give him 3000 dollars. One guy at the bar says to the other: "I bet you 100 bucks the guy jumps". The other guy takes the bet, and the guy on the TV ends up jumping. The guy hands over the $100, but the winner gives it back, saying that he had already seen the guy jump on the earlier showing. The loser says "Well I saw it too but I didn't think he would jump again"

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says,' Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.' The grandfather replies,' I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.' The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,' Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.' The grandfather replies,' I know. That's from your grandma.'

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.

The more boastful of the two.....went right to it and made love to his date... leaned over and marked a' 'l'' on the wall.... Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the completion of the act. .marked another' 'l'' on the wall - next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag.. he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing....fell asleep.

Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he quickly grabbed his lady and did it one more time...... and marked another' 'l'' on the wall... Just at that time. .His friend enters...and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:

' 'DAMN- a hundred and eleven... beat me by three....''

A man picks up a girl at a party. They proceed to her place and things start to heat up. ..
He takes his shirt off and then washes his hands. He takes his pants off and washes hands again.
After watching this for a few minutes, the girl says, "I bet you're a dentist."
Surprised he replies, "That's correct. How did you know?"
"You keep washing your hands, so I figure you're used to it. .."
They go on and have sex and then afterward she says, "You know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very good dentist."
"Oh? How can you tell?" he asks.
"Well, I didn't feel a thing. .."