Bet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man in a bar with his Labrador at his feet was intrigued to see another dog owner enter the bar.' That's a strange looking dog you have there,' he said.

'Yes, he is rather,' said the newcomer,' but he's a great fighter.'

'Is he now? I bet he isn't as good a fighter as my Fang here.'

'All right - how much do you wanna bet?'

'Ten dollars.'

'You're on.'

So the two men let their dogs fight. Eventually the Labrador crawled, battered and bloody, to his master's side.

'I'd never thought I'd see Fang get defeated,' said the loser's master, handing over the ten dollars,' especially by such an odd-looking one like yours.'

'Yes, he does look a little peculiar,' agreed the winner's master.' But he looked even odder before I shaved his mane off. . . '

Dear Santa,
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply. I want to slap Martha Stewart.
Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all.
Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living. We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced more...

A man walks up to the bar, and speaks to the bartender. "I bet you $500 that I can piss in this cup from across the room." The bartender looks at the man like he was nuts and says with a laugh, "Ooook buddy. You got a deal." So the man walks over to the other side of the room, pulls down his zipper and just lets it fly. Piss goes everywhere; on the bar, on customers, all over the bartender, but not a drop lands in the cup. The man walks back over to the bartender. The bartender says, "Ha ha ha. Well pay up." So the man pays him, turns around and begins to laugh hysterically. The bartender asks, "You just lost $500, why are you laughing?" The man turns around and says to the bartender, "Well you see that man over there." The bartender says, "Yeah." He replies, "Well, I bet him $10, 000 that I could piss all over your bar and you, and that you would be happy and laugh about it!"

A woman goes into a bar real depressed and uses her last 10 dollars to buy a drink. All of a sudden she gets an idea that she knows will solve her problems.
She takes her change and goes to the man at the end of the bar and says, ” Mister, I’m broke and my landlord said if I dont give him the rent money first thing in the morning, I’m out of a place to live. I’ll bet you my last five dollars that i can come up with a rhyme that you can’t come up with a reply to. ”
The man wanting to help her says ok go ahead.
So she tells him, “six times six is thirty-six and three is thirty-nine. I can tell the length of yours but you can’t tell the depth of mine. ”
The man scratches his head and says, “your right, I can’t top that. ” and he pays her the five dollars.
Then she goes to the next man and the next until she has beat every man in the bar. So she goes to the next bar and starts betting 100 at a time. She does this at every bar on the block more...

Having theirr wedding reception in the same
hotel, and the two grooms, John and Dave, are having a few
beers together at the bar.
"I bet I make love to my wife tonight more times than you make
love to yours" says John.
"Never. I'll bet $50 my wife wakes up more satisfied than yours"
says Dave.
"Right, you're on. But how will we tell which one of us has
won?" says John.
"Easy. When we come down for breakfast tomorrow, just order
the same number of slices of toast as number of times you
made love." says Dave.
The following morning both couples are at breakfast, and both
grooms are smiling as the waiter comes to take the order.
John leans over - "I'll have a full English breakfast, and SIX
slices of toast" he smiles, winking at Dave.
Dave leans over, and says in a loud voice - "I'll also have a full
English breakfast and SEVEN slices of toast -- and more...

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national bank one day, dragging a large bag behind her. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165, 000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, more...