Bicycle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What do lawyers use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A. A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A Doberman.
Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3, 000, 000 has a chance of becoming a more...

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you get this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this gorgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says' 'take what you want''."

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn''t have fit."

Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P. M. on Thursdays. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. It is against the city ordinance to hang your more...

President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn`t that Bush, Rumsfeld and Powell sitting over there?"
Bartender says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning WW I I I ".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Rumsfeld says, "Well, we`re going to kill 25 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smartie?! I told you no one would worry about the 25 million Iraqis!"

A similar, classic example of bitter humor is set in Germany during WW2.
Many variations on this joke exist. Sadly, it's quite easy
to adapt the joke to many time frames, i.e. the Inquisition, the
Crusades, ad nauseum.
"Jewish Schweinhund!" bellows the stormtrooper, "Who was responsible
for the Fatherland's defeat in 1918 and the chaos which followed?"
"The Jews," said the old man, "and the bicycle riders."
"I don't understand. Why the bicycle riders?"
"Why the Jews?"

Our bank manager cant ride a bike any more. Why not? He lost his balance.

I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm. Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow? I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!