Bicycle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eggy Fart: Smells pretty much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Growling Fart: Happens deep within the rectum, therefore having no smell. Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vet.
Prelude to a Poopie: You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You quickly tense your buttocks, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.
Beefy One: Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!' Will smell a little like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog-turd.
Squeeky Fart: Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.
Trouser Ripping Special: Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This one genuinely hurts and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Those sitting nearby at the time will experience hearing more...

Police officer: excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

I got a calculator and now I can't add without it. I got a spellchecker and I can't write without it anymore. I got a blowdryer and now my hair won't dry on its own.

Get a bunch of those 3-D glasses and wear them at the same time. Use enough to get it up to a good, say, 10 or 12-D.

I heard that in relativity theory space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant. I said, "I'll be the one in the leather jacket." She said, more...

For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $180, 000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $180, 000 mortgage and no friken bike!"

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing, runs into a man, and they both fall down. -"Geez, are you lucky." The cyclist says. -"What do you mean by lucky? " The pedestrian angrily asks. "I got hurt really bad." -"Ah, youre lucky because I recently lost my license. I usually drive a bus."

Two very drunk Punjabis were returning home on a bicycle from the theka (local liquor shop). On the way, the man on the carrier fell off; the other cycled on. When he got home he found his companion missing and cycled back towards the theka and found his friend sitting calmly in the middle of the road. The cyclist dismounted and asked gently:' You okay?'
'I am fine,' replied the other.' It is a comfortable carrier seat; keep pedalling unless you are tired.'

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q; Why does California have so many lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.
Q: Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It's called, Sosumi.
Q: Did you hear that the post office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
A: People couldn't decide which side to spit on.
Q: Did you hear about the two Indian lawyers who formed a partnership, Cachem and Sioux?
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.