Bicycle Jokes / Recent Jokes
one leg and a bicycle. 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. one hand and a Clapper. green hair and thinks she's a tree. one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying. 10 fingers--all on the same hand. a glass eye with a fish in it. a short leg and walks in circles. a short arm and can't applaude. so many freckles she looks like a hamburger! three fingers and a banjo. a wooden leg with a kickstand on it. a bald head with a part and sideburns. a wooden leg with branches. so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.
President Bush and Colin Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"The barman looks over and confirms, "Yep, that's them."So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"Bush checks to make sure no one is listening in, and whispers, "We're planning our next war."And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?"And Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass? I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts.
She said, “Well Johnny, it isn’t Christmas and we don’t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead. ” After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.
Dear Jesus,
I’ve been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.
Your Friend,
Little Johnny
Now Little Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (Brat). So, he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
Dear Jesus,
I’ve been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.
Yours Truly,
Little Johnny
Well, Little Johnny knew this wasn’t totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.
Dear more...
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Johnny was, by all accounts, the worst eight year old kid on earth. He stole, lied, beat-up his sister, just about any trouble this kid could get into, he did. Nonetheless, Johnny wanted a bicycle for Christmas.
Johnny goes to his mother and demands, "Mom, for Christmas, I want a bicycle!" To this his mother replies, "Yea, right,. .. Santa's not comming to THIS house you little brat, you've stolen from all the neighbors, shoplifted, beat-up kids at school, you'll be lucky if you even get a lump of coal."
Enraged, Johnny storms up to his room. After about an hour, he decides he will appeal his case to God. So he grabs a tablet and starts to write his letter to God.
Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I will never steal again... "No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying." So he tears up this letter and starts again.
Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I'll wash Mom's dishes for all year... more...
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard. "Sand," said the cyclist. "Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"