Bike Jokes / Recent Jokes
(This one leaked out of Microsoft the other day. I didn't save the
original)
Two male engineering students meet each other on campus. One says to
the other, "Hi Bill, Where did you get that new bike?" Bill replies,
"Well, I was walking to class the other day when this pretty co-ed
rode up, jumped off her bike, took off all her clothes and said 'You
can have anything you want!'"
"Good idea," Bill's friend replied. "Her clothes probably wouldn't
have fit you anyway."
Two IT guys were walking toward each other in a park when one said to the other, "Wow, where did you get such a great bike?"
The second guy replied, "Yesterday I was walking along, minding my own business, when a gorgeous woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'."
"Good choice," said the first IT guy, nodding approvingly. "I doubt her clothes would have fit you."
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20. 00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back."
A boy comes home from his first day at junior high school.
His mother asks, "What did you do in school today?"
"I learned how to multiply, and I had sex with my English teacher."
The mother, shocked, replied, "Go have a talk with your father!"
The father asked, "What happened in school today?"
The boy says, "I learned how to multiply, and I had sex with my English teacher."
The father beams. "What a milestone! You're really growing up! We should celebrate. I tell you what - let's get an ice cream sundae, and then we'll go buy you that bike you've wanted and go for a bike ride together."
The boy says, "That sounds great, dad; but could we hold off on the ride? My ass is sore as hell!"
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.
The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say more...
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" So more...
Why is sex like riding a bike?
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal more...