Bill Jokes / Recent Jokes

Saddam called President Clinton and said: "Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a flag."
Clinton said:"Saddam, what was on the flag?" Sadam said: "Allah is God, God is Allah".
Clinton said: "You know, Saddam, I'm really glad you called because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war; it had been completely rebuilt. And on every building there was a flag."
Saddam said: "Bill, what were on the flags?"
Clinton replied: "I really don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

Mahathir, Anwar and Daim are on a long flight in an executive jet. Daim pulls out a RM100 bill and says' I'm going to throw this RM100 bill out and make someone down below happy.' Anwar, not wanting to be outdone, says,' If that was my RM100 bill, I would split it into 2 RM50 bills and make two people down below happy.' Of course Mahathir doesn't want these two ministers to outdo him, so he pipes in,' I would instead take 100 RM1 bills and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.' At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says,' I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 20 million Malaysians happy.'

Joe and Bill are working in a sawmill when Bill accidentally saws his arm off. Joe takes the arm, puts it in a plastic bag, and takes Joe to hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill in rehab playing tennis. Wow, the wonders of modern science,"
Joe says. They go back to the sawmill and are sawing away when this time clumsy Bill cuts his leg. Joe takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag, and sends Bill to the hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill playing football. "
Wow, the wonders of modern science,"
Joe says. They go back to work and this time Bill leans too far forward and cuts his head off. Joe takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag and rushes to the hospital. The next day, Joe visits and find no sign of Bill. "
Where's Bill?"
he asks an orderly. "
We could have saved him,"
the orderly replied,"
but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag - and the poor guy suffocated."

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity.They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape, Eva applies another iron. "I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else." Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper."Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack.Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more. "I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better." Satan takes Bill to the last door.Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex. Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me." Satan smirks and says "Good choice, Mr. President."He looks more...

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Atal Behari Vajpayee and Pervez Musharraf decided to visit each other's country regularly.

The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. There Musharraf showed him Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to the Devil in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only Re. 1.

When Vajpayee came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Musharraf visited India. Suitable arrangements were made.

Mushrraf came to India, visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!

Musharraf asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India? "

A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India, it is long more...

Having just returned from an African safari, Steve went to see his friend, Bill, to tell him of his adventures.
"There I was, out in the jungle," he said, "when I suddenly heard a noise in the bush behind me. I looked back and saw a huge lion, licking his chops and smiling at me. The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind. When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit. The lion started gaining on me once more, and as he got closer, he slipped again. I happened to see a house not far away, so I ran towards it. I got close to the house with the lion almost on top of me when he slipped for a third time. With my very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion's face."
"That's quite a story, Steve," Bill said. "I would have crapped in my pants."
"Well, what do you think the lion kept slipping on?!?"

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," more...